


Cause I'd rot in hell with you if you'd just ask me to

by citricaciid



Series: Half life- Combine Gordon AU [1]
Category: Half-Life
Genre: Angst With Bittersweet ending, Canon-Typical Violence, Combine Gordon AU, M/M, Reunions, Selectively Mute Gordon Freeman, the violence wont kick in for a while, this is gonna be real sad, will add tags with updates
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-06
Updated: 2020-07-06
Packaged: 2021-03-05 05:08:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,902
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25098937
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/citricaciid/pseuds/citricaciid
Summary: Barney tries to choose between humanity and Gordon Freeman.[AU where Gordon is part of The Combine and Barney has to get information out of him for the resistance.]
Relationships: Barney Calhoun/Gordon Freeman
Series: Half life- Combine Gordon AU [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1817959
Comments: 8
Kudos: 82





	Cause I'd rot in hell with you if you'd just ask me to

**Author's Note:**

> Somehow the hardest part was writing the tags and description im going to LOSE IT.
> 
> anyways THANK YOU TO THE FREEHOUN SERVER FOR HELPING ME DEVELOP THIS AU AND HELPING ME WITH STUFF !! ILY YALL

It was just like any other day for Barney Calhoun. He was doing his ‘job’ of pretending to be a normal Civil Protection Officer of the Combine, patrolling around the streets of City 17. In reality, he was just a spy for the resistance, which he wished could help more people than it already did. The Combine had begun cracking down on parts of it, but thankfully most of the important bases had remained untouched by the new government. This all would be much easier if Gordon was here, Barney thought. Gordon would save the day; Gordon would know what to do. Sure, they probably did not teach courses on saving humanity in MIT, but Gordon probably would still know how to do that.

He probably made it out of Black Mesa after the Resonance Cascade and is just... Hiding. Training. Just waiting for the perfect opportunity to strike. Some would say he was dead, and on some days, Barney wished he could believe them, because Gordon being dead could maybe help with this heartache that he’s had to deal with for the past two decades.

Barney used to think he’d get over Gordon after a few years at most. He clearly thought too highly of himself back then, thinking he wouldn’t get hung up on someone as great as Gordon Freeman. Maybe time had given all his memories of Gordon a golden coating, masking any imperfections underneath, making it much harder for him to forget about him.

Barney’s thoughts were interrupted by the sound of Doctor Breen’s voice beginning to play on the loudspeakers attached to the nearest Breencast. It was weird, Barney thought. This must have been some sort of special announcement, considering the fact that there usually wasn’t a broadcast during this time of the day. When the man on the screen started talking about a special guest featuring on this broadcast, Barney was going to just ignore it, since it was probably going to be some sort of entertainment, but what Breen said after that caught his attention right back.

“Dr. Freeman, if you wouldn’t mind?”

After Breen had said that, a man dressed up in something that resembled the HEV suit that was colored like the uniform of an Overwatch Elite soldier, walked on screen. His hair was shorter than Barney remembered, but those striking green eyes were unmistakably those of Gordon Freeman.

Barney was not even processing the words being signed on the screen by Gordon, or the interpretation Dr. Breen was giving. He was too busy not believing his eyes, almost convinced this was some sort of fucked up dream, considering he was just thinking about Gordon right before he showed up. God, he hoped it wasn’t a dream.

Wait, what was he thinking? He should be WISHING it was just a dream! Gordon- He’s with the Combine! Barney tried to tune out his thoughts so he could hear what Gordon was saying. Well, he tried and failed. The broadcast was already closing out. All he knew was that Gordon was with the Combine now, and because of his importance to the Resistance as a symbol of hope, probably put in a position of power just to rub it in. God, that was. That was TERRIBLE. How did they get Gordon to agree to this? Had Gordon just changed that much as a person during those twenty years he was gone? Barney just knew he had to get to the bottom of this... Somehow. He had no clue how the hell he would even find Gordon, let alone get him alone for long enough to talk to him about anything meaningful.

The day just kept getting more and more bizarre and dreamlike. After being briefed in on the Resistance’s reaction to Gordon having joined the Combine. An emergency meeting was held, and it was decided that someone would have to go and talk to Gordon. That someone, of course, ended up being Barney. This was because he had already infiltrated the Combine, and because he was “very close friends” with Gordon back in the days of when Black Mesa was still around. Of course, that was a big understatement, but the two couldn’t exactly be public about the nature of their relationship back then. Barney knew he was supposed to be coming up with a plan to find Gordon right now, but he was too lost in his head. He often thought about what he’d say or do when he met Gordon again, but he never considered a scenario where Gordon was his enemy.  
Then again, Gordon wouldn’t know they were enemies; Barney was just an infiltrator, but it would make things harder for him. Barney never wanted to hide anything from Gordon again, and if Gordon had decided to join the Combine, he’d probably take Barney being a member of the resistance worse than him coming out to Gordon as trans. The scariest thing, however, was the possibility of Gordon not wanting to speak to him anymore. It had been years since the two had last seen each other, and maybe Gordon had managed to move on.

Barney’s worrying was interrupted by a ‘fellow’ Combine soldier walking up to him and telling him that someone was looking for him. Barney looked around to see a completely new kind of Combine soldier. Barney was about to have a heart attack at this rate, because this soldier was clearly part of the Overwatch Elite, which could only mean he was in trouble. The soldier gestured for him to follow, and so he did. After a long and silent walk that lead Barney and the person who was likely going to be the person to end his life, the two arrived at the Overwatch Nexus. The soldier led Barney to a room in there and locked the door behind them. The room looked way too nice to be an appropriate place to kill or question someone, which made Barney relax, but only for a moment.

Suddenly, he felt a gentle tap on his shoulder, which made him jump like a frog. Barney turned around to see the soldier looking at him, then signing to him:  
[Good to see you again.]

As soon as they had signed that, they started taking off their helmet to reveal a very familiar face.

“Gordon?” Barney blurted out, before starting to scramble to get his own helmet off. He was honestly starting to believe that this was a dream again. There was *no* way that Gordon had gone looking for him and made his job a million times easier. Well, one part of his job, since he still had to extract information out of him. Oh, speaking of information;

“What are you doing here?” Was it a question about why Gordon was here with Barney right now or why he was in City 17 at all, nobody knows.

[I’m here to see you, Barney.] It took Gordon a moment to respond, but Barney did notice Gordon was staring at his face. Oh God, Gordon was looking at him. Suddenly he wished he still had his helmet on. Barney had noticed how oddly young Gordon looked on the Breencast, like he hadn’t aged a day since the Resonance Cascade happened, and he was well aware that the years hadn’t been as kind to him. Busy panicking about how Gordon would react to his appearance, Barney didn’t notice Gordon walking up to him. Well, that was until Gordon cupped Barney’s face in one of his hands and just. Looked at him with no clear emotion, almost as if he was scanning his face for discrepancies like some kind of freaky robot. This gave Barney a chance to inspect Gordon’s face and make sure this was the real deal and not just some insanely good robot made by The Combine, and he did mean insanely good, since the hand holding his face, even through the glove of the HEV suit, felt warm and comforting in the exact way Gordon’s did.

And Barney started noticing small details only the real Gordon would have, things that couldn’t be duplicated unless you *really* knew him. The way his eyebrows furrowed when he was concentrating on something, in this case, Barney’s face, the green hue of his eyes that reminded him of all the radioactive waste at Black Mesa, though the right one bore the symbol of the Overwatch Elite on it, and a small scar on his forehead that was just barely hidden by his now short hair, and so many more details he can’t even list; They were all there, and he was convinced. This was Gordon Freeman, the man who he had fallen in love with all those years ago, and the man he still loved today.  
Suddenly, Gordon backed away from Barney, with concern all over his face.

[Are you okay? You’re crying.] Oh. Barney brought a hand to his face, and sure enough, tears were flooding out of his eyes.  
“I’m fine, I just- I can’t believe it’s really you.” Barney took a deep breath, then exhaled shakily as he started to try and wipe his tears away. Try, because Gordon somehow already was way ahead of him, smiling at him apologetically as he tried his best to dry Barney’s tears with a metal glove. Then, Barney noticed another detail about Gordon’s face. His eyes were welling up with tears as well, which made Barney try his best to return the favor and wipe off those tears, but when his hand made contact with Gordon’s face, he stopped moving. They gazed into each other’s eyes and leant in at the same time. Unfortunately, the speed at which they leant was different, and all they ended up doing was bashing their foreheads together, which resulted in them both starting to laugh like idiots, and God, Barney had missed Gordon’s laugh so much, but after a moment realized what he had missed *so* much more all these years. The feeling of Gordon’s lips on his. He would throw away everything he has worked for to have this moment last forever, but he knew that wasn’t something he could realistically do. It felt just the way it did all those years ago, like they were back in one of their dorms in Black Mesa after a hard and tiring day at work. It felt *real*, which made Barney finally believe this was actually happening. Gordon was back, and he was kissing him like he used to all those years ago.  
But, like all kisses, this one had to end as well, and Barney felt like he was going to start crying again after it was broken, and it seemed like Gordon had noticed, since he wrapped his arms around Barney in a tight hug. A tad too tight hug.

“Gordon, I can’t breathe,” was all Barney had to say to get Gordon to let go and back away slightly.

[Sorry. I just really missed you.] Gordon was looking at the floor and fidgeting with his hands. He really felt bad about hurting Barney, even if it was something this small.

“It’s fine, darlin’, I just haven’t been hugged like that in almost two decades.” Barney said, as if it was nothing, but based on Gordon’s expression going from suddenly flustered to looking like someone just died, it clearly wasn’t.

[Barney. What do you mean by “two decades”?]


End file.
